Let go. Do not fall, climb

Happily leaving Bacalar knowing I would no longer be a homeless drowned rat, we got into a nice new shuttle (minivan) and headed to Chetumal where we grabbed some food and continued on to the Belize boarder. My first boarder crossing in thought was slightly intimidating but the reality it was a breeze. I handed over $25 USD to exit Mexico and had the scary looking officer cracking funnies with me and then it was into the Belize immigration office. I had my passport stamped and crossed straight trough to new soil. A little further along the way and we arrived at the Belize Jetty for a 1pm water taxi to Caye Caulker. Upon arrival to the island paradise, some companions I made on the trip checked into our hostels and caught up for lunch at Bamboozled; A restaurant by the water, where all the seats in and around the restaurant are swing chairs. I felt nothing but good vibes in Caye Caulker and was very comfortable with my surroundings. The following four days are an absolute blur as we were confined to the hostel whilst we experienced torrential rain, to which I have since been told was the beginning of a large hurricane which then crossed Guatemala and hit the coast of Mexico. In the peak of the storm, a great bunch of pals from the hostel and I sat on the balcony until 4am in the morning watching a Spectacular lightening and thunder show. Two enormous cracks of lightening close by caused the hostel to shake, and wake anyone who was not already up due to the sound of the rain on the tin roof. Me and the pals leaped out of seats, screamed and huddled together in group before realising what we'd just done and burst into laughter. It was absolutely amazing. 

The following day, stories of flooding in Mexico and Belize were coming through, with ferries and buses being cancelled sporadically over the next couple of days. There was something I found quite poetic about being stranded on a Caribbean island, and I was in no hurry to leave. It was a very chilled, easy going place to watch the days roll into one.

Despite the weather, I was still loving the island vibe. Lobster was abundant, and I was making the most of eating it every chance I got. You couldn't go past Belizean Flavour where a man out the front would yell "You'll love da flava and da flava loves Yaaa". Its true, they were the best and as I walked in each night i'd get to him first with "I'm back again because I love da flavaaaa" A meal of lobster, two sides, three rum punches, and cake would be only $25 Belize which is $12.50 usd. Other local delicacies were meat pies and banana bread, jerk chicken and fry jacks. I treated myself like a holiday maker rather than a backpacker whilst there. My budget completely blew out for 11 days, but I ate incredibly well which is of utmost importance to me and my happiness! 

On the first day where the rains started to let up, but with still questionable weather, the pals and I went out on a limb and jumped on the hostel snorkelling tour. Visibility was not going to be great and conditions were not perfect but we needed to get ourselves out there. Despite the poor viz of only 1-5 metres at best, we had an awesome day and saw all the sea life we had wished for. As we began to give up hope, and swim back to the boat after our first stop, Emma spotted a manatee (a sea cow) to which we were all beside ourselves. Such a glorious large, peaceful creature. He came past me so close and looked into my soul. I managed to get some incredible footage of the experience, while all the while looking at him with my own eye, and not through the camera lens. We also swam with turtles, sharks, eagle rays, stingrays and more. I witnessed a moray eel swimming about the ocean for the first time (and far too close for comfort). All others times I've only seen them stay within their coral homes (where I'd prefer they would stay). We attempted spear fishing and lobster catching on our way back, but the spot we stopped at was completely bare. In the least, I got to feel super bad ass swimming through the ocean with a spear gun. We played drinking games and indulged in plenty of rum punch on the way back to hostel where we were all stoked with our days adventure. Amy cooked up the only fish that was caught, and it fed 8 of us as an entree. The next day we hung out at the split. A few years back, Caye Caulker was split in two as a result of a hurricane. The split is approximately 70m across which makes swimming across a breeze.  There is a bar which overlooks the split which plays good music and provides ice cold Belekin beers.

One morning completely out of left wing I received some pretty shocking news. Without baring all, it left me completely lost and confused and in a bid to try and understand what just happened I fell into a pit of grief. Unable to leave my bed for an entire day, I spent time trying to come to grips with the news I was given and accepting that it was something that I could not change and would need to accept; however, also having the wisdom to know that I needed time, and that its okay to not be okay, so long as you don't get stuck there. All the time following I was having to look deeply within myself. Could I have known, should I have seen it coming? How could I be so completely deceived and betrayed? The next couple of days were spent consulting with my closest friends and of course my mumma, trying to chat things out and verbalise what I was going through. I had to completely retreat within myself, accept the hurdles will seem to never stop coming, no matter how many I'd already been through, and how big they may have been. Life experiences are constantly testing my resilience, and it appears no matter how much I overcome, apparently there is still more. Relying on research, articles, books and more, It slowly unfolded perhaps what I could do better to protect myself from harm. This life is one hell of constant learning field. Whilst juggling the eight stages of grief which was a turbulent emotional roller coaster, i was trying to remain strong and learn, grow and become stronger, yet again. One of most inspirational quotes I have read, and held onto came up in a wonderful piece I was reading which really hit home....

"So let your heart break. Let it shatter into a million pieces that you can piece back together again into an instrument worthy of love and human flourishing. Don’t fear pain, use pain as a wakeup call. Use it as a tool to leverage your higher self. Everything changes; it’s the most apparent absolute. Your heart is your finest instrument. It too must change."

One week on and I am still working through it all. With each day it does get easier. Everything always does. Respect yourself and give yourself time to heal. To learn. To come back up on top where you belong.

As I slowly pulled myself back into the external world I couldn't have been more pleased to have a familiar friend by my side. Dani, my little Aussie angel, who I met in Cancun, is an absolute gem and gave me all the cuddles I needed. A few giggles and indulgent plates of lobster and I was slowly putting myself back into the world again.

After deciding to give diving the blue hole a miss, I signed up for a dive to nearby 'Esmeralda'. The first dive site was named tackle box (after a nearby restaurant on San Pedro). On the way out we saw a pod of dolphins and an eagle ray fly out of the water. Great omens for a day of diving. When we pulled up there were three Dolphins mating at the surface. As we descended, the three Dolphins came with us around 15m deep where they frolicked and showed off right in front of us. My first ever experience diving with dolphins and it was so beautiful. Then as I looked down I had endless nurse sharks swimming below and beside me. It was truly magical. Both dives we did that day were incredible with such lovely sea life. I will always love that dive for Dolphins to be looking at me in my eyes, so close that I could have reached out and touched them, playing and flipping around for minutes, it was glorious. Exactly what I needed.

On our last full day in Caye Caulker,  Dani, talz, dani2, Benji, Shaun, clemace and I spent it enjoying a very expensive breakfast where I had a giant martini glass of fruit salad that was bigger than my head, and then lazing in hammocks in the ocean enjoying a few cold beers. Everything was perfect and I was considering staying for a few extra days. I could easily have been stuck there for longer but looking at my budget, it was wise that I carried on to the next destination. In the evening we all caught up again and had a family dinner of fish which the crew had caught a day earlier on their deep sea fishing adventure. I spent a couple hours before bed, swinging in the hammock, easing my mind, releasing my problems and being thankful for what I have. A shooting star delighted me and I chuffed off to bed. On my last day, I spent the morning pottering around, treated myself to a suitcase load of washing which was worth every cent. I've been a tightass til now, and hand washes all my clothes with concerntrate. But I lashed out to have machine washed, flowery smelling clothes, all snapped back to original size from the dryer, and felt a million dollars. It's the little things which are the big things when traveling. Hot water, clean clothes, and a descent bed. I enjoyed a scrumptious meal of chicken, dirty rice and potato salad for lunch at a bargain price and had my last pine-coconut juice which tastes like a liquid splice ice cream from home. Delicious. I was terribly sad to be leaving such a lovely place but was so happy that I was able to be there at all.

I met the squad at the dock where we were doing a team adventure into Guatemala. A boat ride back to Belize where we jumped on a shuttle and headed for our next boarder crossing.  Leaving Belize was a breeze and we paid our $19 USD exit fee and thankfully got out passports stamped in Guatemala without being hussled for a fake entry fee; which we have heard a few other travellers have experienced. Seemingly familiar to Mexico, we arrived in Flores where we all checked into 'Los Amigos' for the night. With rains about, we were confined to having dinner at the hostel (which is always expensive) but at least was a good meal. When retiring to bed I thought if I remembered agreeing to be in a sauna room... With fans circulating hot air only, I woke at 3.30am in a pool of sweat. After a few minutes outside to dry off, I somehow miraculously got back to sleep. The next morning I high tailed out of the dorm, and checked into the loft where I have spent the past three nights. Like a tipi platform amongst the trees, with six mattresses only, I had natural air conditioning, a comfortable mattress and couldn't be happier with my new 'room' choice.

Days in Flores have been spent wandering around the tiny island, eating incredible local cheap eats by the lake, having a wonderful sauna where we covered ourselves in salt and honey and were left with silky smooth and clear skin, as a feeling of utter tranquility. Mostly I always enjoy making new friends, and catching up with old ones. Friends which were made in other countries and ran into in others. It's a crack hearing someone call your name in the street and reunite in a whole new setting. A few drinks in the evening of the sauna day knocked me for six the next... Clearly morbidly dehydrated I spent the whole day in bed and skipping out on a day tour. It worked out for the best as I got in some good me time, blog writing, photo uploading and all those bits and pieces. It was the day/night of the super full moon, so I got my hippy on and worked through some me stuff. Away from anyone and everyone, completely by myself was needed, and perhaps the reason for the exaggerated sickness. To seperate and roll solo for a day. At 6pm I was starving and headed to the food stalls where I ran into Clemace (a different one from Caye. In fact the fourth 'Clemace' I had met in two weeks!) who I had met in Bacalar. It was he and his friends dorm floor where I had slept the last night when my tent flooded. We caught up on where we had spent our last two weeks and I met a group that he had caught the bus with. We went out for drinks and chats and turns out they were doing the Tikal tour the next day, so I could redeem my tour which I had missed with my squad that day due to illness. 

....and today was that day. I got up early and tried a nearby restaurant on my own which provided the best value breakfast I'd seen. The food was incredible and I was so full I wasn't sure if I could leave the table. I grabbed some snacks and met everyone back at the hostel. When we arrived at Tikal we had roughly four hours of trekking through the jungle, being guided around the ancient Mayan ruins. Some were uncovered, some were not, but all were surrounded by spectacular green grass, trees and vines. It was such a magnificent site, and I was in awe the whole time I was there. We saw crocodiles, tarantula's, spider monkeys and gets the howl of the howler monkeys. This is the sound grab they use for the dinosaurs in the Jurassic park movie. and it felt like I was in it. We climbed up Pyramid IV and watched the sunset over the jungle. It was magical. We trekked back for an hour in darkness to the outside of the reserve which just added to the days experience. I admired the stars, as I always love to do before we were driven back to the hostel. Me and my 9 new friends (plus Mark, a pal I made in Caye who I ran into on the street on the way to dinner) went to my breakfast destination for dinner and beers, where thankfully they lived up to the expectation I had set. A delicious group meal and good conversation, and we were all shattered. A solid day of walking through Tikal ruins had ruined as, and it was back to hostel without even diverting for local ice cream. Now as I draw this blog to the end, I contemplate the 8 hour bus I have tomorrow morning to Semuc Champey. A place I have dreamed of visiting for four years since I first heard about the place. It looks to be quite the treat, and as much as I'd like to be sucked in and stay for a week, day of the dead and a kite festival near Antigua on the weekend may see me headed there within a couple of days... Who knows?! Anything could happen. And out of everyone, I should know most that things can change in a second, especially when on the road. I stick to my plan of having no plan and I roll with it. 

Enormous love and strength to all of you superheroes out there. 

Remember, change the things you can. Accept the things you can't.

Let go. But do not fall, climb xx

My name is not Linda

Two weeks in Cuba was, well, 'an experience'. Second to Morocca, or Perhaps Morocco second to Cuba, it was the most culturally shocking country I had travelled to. Everything was backwards, outdated, and difficult. Some people are eluded by this as a charm, and perhaps some people do have that experience. But for me,everything was a struggle. Communicating, eating, goods and services, Internet, anything you needed to do, good luck to you. I love to detach from the cyber world, stay in places with no cell reception, totally disconnect from the outside and reconnect onthe inside, but the place where I seemed to need that external lifeline most, and it was not readily available. Men calling out on the streets, calling out 'che lindaaaa' or something like that which meant beautiful.... Me, my reply, my name is not Linda and walked on. there is only so much you can tolerate.

Three nights in Havana was well enough, in fact I was done after I'd arrived. Unfortunately a bum steer in the location and place where I stayed attributed to the lack of enjoyment I had in the city. Understanding now the area I should have stayed, places I should have visited; if known earlier, I could have possibly been quite taken by the place. The next destination was Vinales. My stresses were already lessening on the 7 hour bus ride as we rode through some of the most green and luscious fields and mountains I'd seen. Upon arrival we were flocked with women at the bus station hounding us to stay at a room in their house. This was actually a favourable event, as it took the search out of our hands and was right at our feet. We went with one woman who was relentless and it turned out to be an alright place. The owner was a real kook, but it made us laugh everyday at her strange behaviour.

The following day we rode horses through Vinales mountains. We stopped at a cigar farm, coffee farm, waterfall and a lake. It was a pleasant experience. The scenery reminded me soo much of Borneo. The next day we were on the road again, next stop Ceinfuegos. Not a lot to report on the place, we ended up staying just the one night as the attractions were all long distances away and very expensive, and we could see much the same at the next place. I bought a nice pair of sandals to replace ones that broke, that was my highlight of the town. On the road again, we took a bus to Trinidad. This is the place we were all mostly looking forward too. Same deal upon arrival, and I nominated to go and pick from the screaming crowd which one would be our home for our stay. A young woman with a nice smile who first took my attention was the winner. We were incredibly pleased with our rooms, and we had a reasonable stay whilst there. In Trinidad we spent a few hours at the beach one day, we rode horses to some waterfalls on another. Met up with some lovely Sydney gals and had some drinks on the steps at Casa De La Musica. We also went to a nightclub inside a cave which provided interesting entertainment (the put my friend on a table and lifted it with their mouths whilst she was blindfolded holding a snake). We ate some great food whilst there (especially for Cuba) and enjoyed the charm of the cobblestone roads and horse and cart transport. Of course, we encountered many issues as you do in Cuba, with constantly being asked for money (entrance fee, tip for waiter, tip for each individual band and dance act that performed, pay for the revolting toilets....shall I continue!) stopping a tour and asking for more than the agreed price or we would be turned around, paid twice the price for water from stores which were labelled, simply because you were a tourist. We experienced not being given change from a $20 for one drink, being hassled upon leaving the casa for an extra $15 per night... It was endless. We were becoming very exhausted by the constant battery. It was so unfortunate because I think Trinidad could have been such a highlight, but as with everything in Cuba, there was just so much low light.

Our next and final destination was Veradero. A lot of travellers skip this place because it is "touristy" aka for holiday makers, but this was by far the most pleasant of places we stayed. We had a man scoop us up upon arrival and take us to his Casa just a few metres away. We had our own private room, with bathroom, kitchen and balcony. We were 100m from the beach and in the centre of the town. We really scored well with this one, with the most accomodating and kind hearted owner, even changed all our linen half way through our stay, provided drinks upon arrival and would bend over backwards to ensure we were happy and comfortable. It was so refreshing. There was an international bank close by where changing cash was quick and hassle free. Okay food and prices, and easy transport system with a tourist sight seeing bus which ran up and down the town, hop on hop off for $5 a day. We spent days wandering and laying at the beach, reading and I did a dive trip whilst there. It was a quite underwhelming, but it was another country I could add to the list, that I have explored both above land and below sea.

I had purchased a new flight to head back to Mexico a week early, on the same one with the two girls. there was no way in hell I was doing another week alone, let alone being able to afford it. An unfortunate extra expense, but necessary one. Flying into Cancun was incredibly exciting, and I was bursting at the seems to get off that plane. Straight onto a bus to Tulum and I was smiling ear to ear the whole time. As the bus neared the station I was already in the aisle with my day pack on my back, ready to jump out the door before it had opened. I didn't wait for my bag to be handed to me, but grabbed it and was just short of running back to my home of "chill in" hostel. I opened the door where all my friends from the hostel were, I threw my bags on the floor and embraced them with overwhelming happiness. We drank beer and chilled and caught up on the two weeks that passed while I was away.

I spent four nights back in my home which was enough for me to reconnect with my pals, eat delicious foods, and enjoy some new unexplored sights. There were four of us one day and we hired scooters to travel 40km to Cobá. It was so much fun. We swam inside a spectacular underground cenote, visited the ancient Mayan site and climbed a pyramid. We stopped for meal before headed back where we got rained in for over an hour. When we got on the scooters in light rain, we were soon caught in torrential rain. We stopped and took cover under an alter at the front of someone's house, completely drenched and huddled in with out little helmets, laughing hysterically at out situation. This happened twice again before I braved it and drove the rest of the distance back to the hostel. I had a moth fly down my dress whilst riding, rain pelting so hard it felt like rubber bands being flicked at my chest, could hardly see through the water in my eyes, was freezing cold, longing for warmth. However, it was the most fun and funny experience, where I have laughed so incredibly hard, and have such a fond momeory with the three others I shared it with that day.

Still struggling with being without my friend, I determined it was time to move on, and have a change of scenery. Perhaps that would lessen the reminders. I travelled solo to Bacalar which is known for its seven coloured lake. I met a lovely girl who shared a cab with me to the hostel where we got the last rooms in the house. And by rooms I mean miniature sized tents, and by house, I mean yard. It was a nice setting, where you spend your time sitting on the jetty, swimming in the lake and chilling in a hammock. It was pleasant, but the vibe in the hostel wasn't completely gelling with me, and on my second day when the torrential rains hit and flooded my tent, I took a mattress to a dorm where I became friends with the crew, and slept on the floor and high tailed out of there the next day.

I was prepped, and surprisingly headed out of Mexico! I absolutely loved what I saw and have soo very much more to see, but with a cup of concrete for breakfast, I was headed for my first boarder crossing into Belize...